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In Faith

At the moment I’m writing a story about our process with God and life about the wish to have another baby. The following story takes place in the first month of 2012

In Faith
Joy is from a different area in the USA then the other girl was.
That means, although part of the process of getting a Visa is the same, not everything is.
And the construction we figured out was the best for the other girl doesn’t even exist in Chigago where Joy needs to go to get her Visa.

In our skype conversation we set the date on February 1st. That will be in 3- 4 weeks time.
People laught at us when they hear the date. That can never be done is their commentary.

But Joy is determent and so are we.
The next week she drives to Chigago, which is a 9 hour drive, to have the talk with the consultant at the French ambassy. While the other American girl just needed 3500 US- Dollars to come a year to France, this French Ambassy says Joy needs to proof that she has 10 000 US Dollars to come a year to France. And, although we have a notary stamped letter that we will provide for her, that doesn’t count to the ambassy.

Bummer!

But Joy and her mum really believe this is the way.
And so they go to the bank to get a loan to proof to the bank there is 10 000 dollars in her bankaccount.

After they’ve seen the proof the visa is immediately approved.
The date on the visa is the 31st of January 2012 till the 31st of January 2013.

With the wonderful help of a lovely friend who works at BA a ticket to France is bought.
And she arrives on Friday the 10th of February.

Just 4 weeks after we first heard she wanted to come and help us.

It’s raining!

At the moment I’m writing a story about our process with God and life about the wish to have another baby. The following story takes place at the end of 2011- beginning of 2012

It’s raining!

At Christmas we had a conversation with our brother in law who asked us the question if we were still looking for an au-pair.
With tears we told him that we weren't really. Not because we didn't want to have another baby anymore. Just because we had no clue where to start looking.
We said: "God literally has to drop an au -pair from the sky, otherwise we think the door is closed".

It was hard to realise. Although we had been praying for almost 2 years now it seemed like the road was blocked.

4 Days later we got a phone call. A friend of us let us know that she had been in contact with a girl who would like to come to France for a year. And she was thinking about us. Praise God!
A nanny out of the sky!

The emailing began. And in one of the email I mentioned we had lovely friends who lived here and needed an au- pair for just 3 months.
She prayed about it and wrote us back that that would suit her more.

We cried.

I had been dreaming for days about babies and how it would be.

And then the dream was shattered again.

BUT

4 Days later, we were totally surprised by another email.
This time it came from Mission Nannies. A website for Christian workers who would like to have help with their families.
Our add had been posted on that site for months, without any results.

But now there was JOY!

Because a girl called JOY had been praying for us for weeks. Had been lead to get herself a passport. And feels led to come to France to help us for a year.

How amazing is God. A girl we didn't even know existed had been praying for us!
A girl who feels she would like to come and help us!

The only thing we could do was sit quietly on the sofa. Being amazed by God.
Hoping..... praying.... wondering if this time it would go well.

Very nervous we skyped her 2 days later.... It felt like we had a job interview....
But she told us she was just as nervous as us :)

We are so looking forward to meet her.
To have her in our house
To walk this bumpy dirt- road with her. Without knowing the outcome.

And..... she would love to walk this bumping dirt-road without knowing where it goes with us!
HURRAY!

We do know it doesn't mean we are going to get another baby.
We do know it doesn't mean that everything will be fine after this.

But we do know it means that we have prayed, and God has answered. And we will trust.

When other doors are opened

At the moment I’m writing a story about our process with God and life about the wish to have another baby. The following story takes place in the last half of 2011

Bang- the door is closed.

For months we had been thinking about another baby.
A pregnancy. The wish to have another baby.
But to realize this wish there needed to be a lot of organization and preparation.
(An au- pair is needed for Annemieke to be able to be bed rested for 9 months. As the first few months of the pregnancy are critical for the baby it is highly recommended by the gynaecologist to have the au pair even before Annemieke gets pregnant. (if she would) )
We really thought we’d found the right girl.
But now….

We’re still praying for the right girl. But in that process are also slowly trying to except the fact that maybe our family is right the way it is right now. Secretly hoping for a miracle somewhere….

And God opened other doors for us. Mark started a prayer- group at the Charles de Gaulle airport to connect Christians together. It has been going once a month for a few months now and people have been really encouraged by it.

Every Thursday morning we’ve been going to the church prayers. The level of prayer has been raised in our church and results are being seen. It’s wonderful to see how God is working through the English community and how he keeps knocking on people’s hearts. We love being a part of it.

Annemieke also had the opportunity to have the Young Continental Singers over in Chantilly. It was an amazing afternoon with lots of dancing and singing but mostly where the gospel was shared in an easy direct way.

A mission trip was organized by a Texas-church to come to France. They organized English classes for French people in Chantilly and the surrounding areas. This resulted in more contacts with French women for two other GEM-colleagues and Annemieke. (As the Chantilly class was held in the afternoon only women turned up) We see each other every fortnight and try to share Jesus through the friendship.

A lot of Annemieke’s time goes into organizing the Sunday school in Church. People seem to treat church as a ‘if I have time’ thing. That means Sundays are hard to organize. Sometimes there are no kids at all. Sometimes 30 turn up.
The team tries to plant small seeds in the children’s heart and prays that they will start to grow over the years while they are being watered by the sessions. Especially the children’s worship turns out to be great.

Another thing that will be happening from January onwards is a clinic that Annemieke will start up in Chantilly in the Church Center. There seems to be a need to chat with a ‘professional’ about babies and toddlers. And on Thursday morning a ‘mothers and others’ group is being held at the church centre.
So we combined the two and Annemieke will be available from January onwards.

Or so we thought….

Left with questions

At the moment I’m writing a story about our process with God and life about the wish to have another baby. The following story takes place mid 2011

Excitement about the girl who’d like to come and help us turns into organizing and finding things out.

It’s not easy getting a girl from America over to France for a year.
It includes getting a visa, finding funds, lots of persistence and prayer.

And after months of doing this, we were left with nothing.
The visa did not come through and the girl told us she thought it was Gods will to stay in America.
We had almost walked the whole way of preparation.
And just at the end there was a sign post STOP.

And we stopped.
Probably for the last time.

Starting all over again

Months are passing by.
Months with grieving. With mourning , with saying goodbyes.
Saying goodbyes to our dream of going away with MAF.
Saying goodbye to our dream of having another baby.

Sorting things out with God and eachother.

And then, at some point you’ve reached the part where you have to go on…
Have to start all over again.

That point happens at the end of 2010.
Somehow we’ve reached the new starting point.
And somehow the pistol shot.
And we’ve started.
Sometimes saying goodbye to things means other doors are opening.

And somehow they opened.
It’s not long after we got rid of all the baby clothes, baby toys and baby boxes.
A spontaneous email to the American girl we met a few months ago with the spontaneous question if she could pray about coming to help us for a year is answered with:
Well friend, I don't know what you've been telling God but He's definitely telling me to come help you.

The door seemed to have opened again.
Maybe…
Maybe we will have another baby.

Sorting things out

I’m crying.

While I’m opening the cartboard box filled with tiny baby clothes.

It’s been at least 15 months since I touched them.
All the boxes are ready for a babygirl to come.
All the boys clothes with airplanes, cars and trains have been banned.
Everything was ready.

I’m crying while I’m sorting through them.
Tiny vests with Winnie the Pooh on them. Bought when we were expecting Tim.
A small pyjama. Bought when Joas was just 4 days old.

Its’s hard enough. I’m saving those.

But I can’t keep all of them.
The boxes next to me are filling up quickly.
Full with clothes for friends who are expecting a baby.
The baby that won’t happen for us anymore.

The next box is filled with baby-toys. Rattle, turtle, big LEGO blocs.
Without any use for us anymore.

I’m crying.

While Mark is taking all the boxes down.
While we’re bringing the clothes to our friends.
While the maxi-cosi is taken to the Netherland.

While the play-pen is borrowed.

I’m crying.

Saying goodbye.

I’m mourning.
All over again.

Being ready for everything?

I don’t know how we ended up in this situation.

How come a situation that I always thought would be so easy is suddenly so very difficult?

How come the gynecologist says we might have another change for a baby but that we have different goals. Her goal is to let me live. That means if it looks like something is going wrong with me she will take the baby out. My goal is obviously to be alive having another baby.
She even talked about adoption.

We sometimes talk about adoption.
But really; it’s not an option.
The French government won’t see us as a suitable family as we are not native French.
The Dutch government will see us as a family with an unstable situation in the family cause of the many languages and living abroad. And they can’t keep an eye on us.
Plus we can’t do the courses and things like that.
Plus if we would adopt it would be years and years before that would be finalized.
Is that what we really want?

One of our friends asks us the question:
“If you are trying to get another baby, are you ready for whatever God wants to give you? Even if this means you might have another stillborn?
Are you ready to accept even that?”

The question leaves us stunned. And we know the answer in our heart.
We’re not.
We’re not ready for whatever God wants to give us.

The second year.

When I wake up at the 2 of June 2010 I feel strange.

I never even thought about having to do more than a year without Hannah.
I just thought until the 1^st of June 2010.
So where did the 2^nd suddenly come from?

Suddenly, without too much notice.
With just 1 night of sleep we’ve entered the second year without her.
And….
We’re still alive.
The world is still turning.
And somehow we’re still breathing.
Even the breathing feels relieved.
We’ve survived the first year.

It somehow looks like a promise from God.
I’m here! I’ve been there the whole first year. Every single day. Every single minute.
And I will still be with you in the second year.
Whatever it may bring.

With the door opening to stay in France we’ve realised that, at some point, there might be a change of having another baby.

Although Mark and I are not even on the same page.

Mark told me, after Tim was born, that we were done.
I remember looking at him thinking, “I’ve never heard this before”.
It took a few months of prayer before we decided to try to have another baby before I got pregnant with Hannah. And after this experience Mark is not delighted to try again!
Or course men are not bothered by empty heavy arms and tummy’s.

We’re praying. For God’s timing.

In September of that year we get to know an American girl.
She’s working for our American friends.

But nothing was said or done.

We’re still waiting.

Choosing to stay

The dream of going to Africa is still there.

But how does it fit in the life we find ourselves into?
Are we really ready to say: We’re going! We believe God gave us this dream and we are going, no matter what.
If I would look back on my life, let’s say 10 years from now, would I regret the decision?
Would I always wonder: “What if? What if we’d stayed? What if we did try to have another baby?”
Could I be content with my African life now that part of my family would always be missing without even the option to try again?

When we moved to France, there was no doubt in our minds that it would be for only 2-3 years.
But now?

While we’re entering the first anniversary of Hannah’s death. While the mourning goes back into the deep caves of the road we’re walking on, we cry out to God.
GOD! WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH US?

It’s a cry from the deepest part of our soul. It’s a question we can’t answer.
What does he want?

This time we don’t have to wait long before He answers.
It’s just a week later when our American friends ask us to join their mission team in France. ‘Cause France could really use a couple like us’.

The door opened! It opened wide.
And there is peace in our hearts.
To stay where we are.

To work in the place where God wants us to be.
(Remind me to write about our amazing journey with God in France and how we are more missionaries here then we could have ever be in an African country, after this blog session is done)

To have hope. Because He is still working with us.

Decisions to make

The year turns from 2009 till 2010.

With the mourning over Hannah still being part of our daily life we struggle to keep it all together.
Our faith has changed.
Not just on the surface, but deep in the roots.

Where does trusting God fit in?
If this didn’t turn out well for us, where can we trust Him?

If Hannah died, who guaranties us another baby would live?

And can we just decide to have another baby?
Can we just put our trust in God’s hands and see….

What if I would die in that process?
Don’t we have a responsibility too?

Didn’t God gave us two healthy great little boys to take care off?

Or do we just have to take the first step, become pregnant, and trust that God will give us the necessary recourses to have a healthy pregnancy with a hopefully living baby in the end.

Is getting a baby always Gods giving hand or is it also just the way He made our bodies work?
If we make love at the right time of the month, it just happens?

How does that work?

We’re wondering. We’re struggling. We’re asking for opinions but get many different views on all these matters.

One of my best friends said: I always ask God to guide me organize the things that I feel need to be organized. In one way or the other.

Maybe that’s the best lesson I’ve learned during that time.
Asking God for help with the organization of different situations.

Including this one. Even if it takes time.

About an empty tummy and a lost dream

It started the day after she was born.

The pain started.
Literal pain in my arms.
Empty pains in my tummy.
I think only mums with stillborn babies, or babies who died just after birth, can understand.
I never knew before a tummy could hurt of emptiness. But it can.
My arms were heavy. Longing for something to hold.

But there was nothing.

The only thing I could think of was. I need a baby! I need another baby! It doesn’t matter how, or in what way, but I NEED A BABY!

They didn’t know yet how this happened to me and Hannah.
There was no real reason, just yet.
And they had no idea if this could happen again. So, at first, they advised against another pregnancy.

There we were….
With lost hopes. Lost dreams. Dreams that would never be for filled.

We cried. I cried.
Looking out at the stars in the middle of the night I screamed to God.
The emptiness stayed.
But I silent voice told me: “You will have another baby”.

It’s always hard to know when God speaks into your life.
Within the emptiness of my tummy and my heart it could have easily been one of my own thoughts.
It could have been.

Months past. With many, many doctor visits.
I saw my kidney’s from the inside. I saw my heart from the inside. My blood was constantly tested.
The examined me from top to bottom.

While prams were passing me in the middle of the street, while young baby’s cried of hunger in the park; our dream slowly came back.

We were told the reason why it happened.
And we were told what could be done about it.
And we were told that, with the right help, our dream wasn’t totally lost.

We could have another baby.

It’s December 2009

Some things are just very hard to blog about.

You immediately wonder…..
Is this something other people would like to know about?
Is this something I am willing to share?

What if they judge us?
What if?

Last month we visited England.
We went back to Dunmow. To the town and the house we lived in for 4,5 years.
And we visited Joas’s old school.
We saw many unknown faces. And a few we still knew.

The headmistress immediately recognized us and we went in for a little talk.
At some point she said:
“And how are the plans for Africa? You always wanted to go there?”

What do you say?
Our lives crushed when Hannah died.
We did tell her that. It’s not really a secret.

We prayed lots about it and decided that we would stay in France.
We said that, because it is the truth.
She nodded her head and we went on from that.

Later I wondered:
Why do we never say: “We were told we could never have another child outside a Western European Country”. (Probably America and Canada too but you know what I mean)

Most people would understand.
At least I think so…
Well… maybe I hope so…

Why do we never say: We just weren’t ready to make the decision of not having another child ever.

Some things are just very hard to blog about.
And this is one of those things.

We might be judged.
You might not understand.

But the following blogs are the total truth.

To be continued.

The verdict.

As we are busy Friday and Mark is at work in the afternoon and the evening we phone the estate agent that we don’t want to know until Saturday.

We choose to not end up in the same situation as we did a couple of years ago the Netherland.
If we have the house we would like to get to know this together.
If we haven’t got the house, it’s even more important.

And; we haven’t got the house.

It was not a game.
The elderly couple that had a look on the Saturday we had a look as well bought the house.
They made an offer lower than ours.
But they made a cash offer.

And the landlord accepted.

It’s not our house.

The bin is suddenly full with dreamed dreams.
Dreams that will never come through.

All the paperwork can be binned.

It’s not our house.

And for now, we’re just angry.
It’s unfair! He accepted our bid. In the Netherlands it means that it’s final.

See…. We did play a game with rules we didn’t know.
And now… we end up with nothing.

With a big sigh and not much joy we press the button on the search engine again.

Let’s wait and see…. what the Lord will do!

The end…. (for now)

One Wednesday morning

I promise I will get the man to sign a.s.a.p, says the estate agent, while we’re leaving the office.

As it’s Saturday afternoon just after 6 pm we know we have to wait until next week.
Although she says she will try to get it done on Sunday.

Monday passes without any news. The estate- agents office is closed and so we think we will hear the next day.
But Tuesday passes without any news.

Maybe he’s busy this week. Coming up from Paris does take a little while and maybe…
But

Finally on Wednesday morning the phone rings.

5 Minutes later we’re sitting on the sofa. Flabbergasted, so to speak.

Apparently there has been another offer on the house.
An offer with another estate agent.
A cash offer!

And the landlord is rethinking the offer we’ve made and he’d agreed on.
We’ll hear on Friday.

We’re absolutely guttered.

This is a non- moving house market.
The house had been for sale for over a year.
Surely the changes of another offer in the same week are none…
Are they?

We’re not sure.Maybe they are playing a game with us.

The estate agent did ask if we could raise the price we agreed on.

But, if there are other people we have to raise the price with so much money….
We don’t think it’s worth it.

And so we wait again.
Hoping and praying that it’s a nasty game with a good ending.

One last check

After we figured out the words on the French paper we ask ourselves the question:

Do we really want to buy this house?
Is this the house God has for us?
Is this the town we need to be in?

Lots of questions to be asked.

The amazing thing is that we didn’t think we could find a house that was better than the house we live in right now. But in the end… The house we’ve found right now is even better!

The lay- out is better. The guestrooms are situated better. And we absolutely love the room in the basement.

Yes, we think this is the house.

So on Saturday afternoon, the 5^th of Feb, we go around one last time.
Mark’s parents have just arrived from the Netherland and Joas is able to come too.

The shutters on the house we would like to buy are open. We feel that’s a bit strange.
Cars are in front of the house.

But we don’t worry too much. Together with our dog Leon we start exploring the area. We would like to know if we can enter the woods at the back of the house. That would be ideal!
And so we start walking the road. Trying all the different paths that could lead to the woods.
And we the second one is right! We’re in!
Ideal for walking the dog. And the kids….

An hour later we’re back at the house.
The estate agent is running late. When we’re going in we’re walking into another estate agent, with another agency, who is showing the house to an elderly couple. A strange feeling enters our tummy. That was a long visit…

Immediately we say softly: “Let’s sign the papers quickly. This is our house!”

Joas likes the house. We photograph the whole house. Just to be able to see which floors are where and where all the fitter cupboards are….

On the way back we stop at the agency!

The papers are signed for… let’s say 55000 euro’s.

Now we just have to wait for 7 days.
The landlord has to sign within 7 days to make the deal a real deal.

But… we’re happy.
Because that feels like just a formality.

The talk at the office.

The next morning, it’s a Saturday, we decided Annemieke stays home with the kids.

French talks are hard to follow anyway, let alone with two little boys around.

So a few minutes after 10 Mark steps into the car and makes the little drive towards Gouvieux.
He phones a few minutes later.

The house we’re trying to buy is an inheritance house. The son is an only child and he has to pay 30% inheritance tax over the full selling price of the house.
And so he wonders if we can pay an amount in cash. Under the table, so to speak.

Even if we had the money, it wouldn’t be a game we wanted to play, and we don’t have the money, so we say a big no to that suggestion.

Immediately after the French papers are put on the table.
We’re asked to sign a paper with the selling price on it.

But Mark says he would like to take it home and studies it a little bit.
“Don’t you trust me?” the estate agent asks.

It hasn’t got anything to do with trust.
It’s got all to do with the fact it’s the first time we’re buying a house in France.
And we would like to know and understand the forms before we sign.

The rest of the morning is spend figuring out what the form says.
It turns out not to be so standard as we hoped it would be. And a few phrases are quite doubtful.

The form makes us obligated to buy the house unless we die or have a big accident in which case we don’t have too. Otherwise there is no going back.

The question is: Do we really want to buy this house?

Did we just buy a house?

We’re quick.

We really love the house. We think about moving. We even talk about getting the boxes ready.

And so we’re quick.

We want to show the man that we are willing to negotiate. But that we don’t want to make big steps. And of course we have an end- result in our heads.
We pray about it, we talk about it, and we call back with another offer of, let’s say 55000 euro’s.

Again the lady asks us if we can’t bring it up a bit more. But we say we’d like to stick with this offer.

“Well, I think this will be the final offer then, she says”

This phrase leaves us in doubt.
Why? Why would this be the last offer already?
It’s our first bid after the opening bid.
That’s going quickly.

Again we wonder what the rules are.

We’re still, 15000 euro’s off of his last price. That’s an amazing kitchen and a good bathroom.

We’re not talking about a bottle of milk and some raisons.
We’re talking about lots and lots of money.

Of course it’s nice that he will have an amazing bank account after, but for us it will be years and years of hard work.

So we want to get the house for the right price.

And although we are in doubt, we wait. Again we wait.

But not for long!

The next evening, it’s Friday the 3th of February, we get a phonecall from the estate agent if we can come to the office tomorrow. Mark asks her that that is possible but why?

Well, she says, the man said he agreed with the price we offered but they’re things to be discussed.
So I’ll see you tomorrow.

Did we just buy a house? We wonder a few seconds after Mark hangs up the phone.

Doubtful smiles appear. Did we?

Let’s wait. Let’s wait and see….

Again we wait….

It feels like we are playing a game and we’re not sure about the rules.

The estate agent said immediately after we made the offer…. “if you put in 10000 more I think you will get it”.
But, for now, this is our offer…

She told the house-owner and we will hear back from him before or on Tuesday.

And so we wait…

My memory goes back to 7,5 years ago when I sold our Dutch house.
Mark was in the simulator and had no idea what was happening. The whole process of negotiating took only 2,5 hours. But they ended up in the 10 most nervous hours of my life. And then the house was sold! It was nothing less than a miracle.

We’ve prayed for a good house for over a year now. We looked and looked and looked. And this is the first house we’re really enthusiastic about. I’d love to

grow old and grey in this house.

But we’re still waiting.

Monday passes.
Tuesday passes.
Wednesday passes.

We don’t want to phone. At least… Mark doesn’t.
We don’t want to sound eager.
but we’re not sure about the game.

In the Netherlands you only have to deal with one estate agent. He will know everything about the house. And no other offers can be made when you start a negotiating process.
But here, we have to deal with estate agents that we don’t even know exist and have this house for sale. Maybe somebody else put in an offer in the meantime…

Does is look eager when you phone after 6 days?

In the end Mark picks up the phone on Thursday morning.
Apparently the man did come back on Tuesday night. But the estate- agent lady wasn’t feeling very well and so she left it until this morning.

Hurray! The game is on!
He came back with an offer from, let’s say…. 70000 euro’s .

What will our next step be?

Investigating a house

Sorry, this one had to be posted before the 'making the offer' blog

You know what?

We like this house!
We really like this house.
It’s easy to put our stuff in.
Not really because of all the space it has (well also….) but the house just suits us.

Yes, we can find lots of things that we would like to change.
Like the golden light switches and the bathrooms. And the kitchen. And the wood on the walls and the single glass and the roof needs to be insulated. And…
But you know what?

It’s not important.

We like this house.

And so…

3 Days later we phone the estate agent for another viewing.
The biggest issue is the fact that we would like to know if we could put windows in the two potential bedrooms upstairs.
And, if so…, would that be expensive?

And we have to know all about this house.
Maybe the woods behind the house are not there too last forever. It would be sad if a big flat was build behind the house at some point.
And the walls of the house are not insulated. Just as the roof isn’t.
And the window are single glass.

Yes, there is work to be done.
All the papers are being send to us.
Mark does a great job reading them in French.
We start looking for windows. For kitchens. For badrooms.
We ask prices for double glazing, for insulating the whole house.

We figure out that we can’t get building permission for the windows before we buy the house.
But, the lady doesn’t think it will be a problem.

We found out that in the next 20 years the wood will still be wood.

And we dream…

We dream about the house.

In a market this slow…. We have found our dream house.

And we’re thinking about making an offer.

Making the offer

On a Friday afternoon Mark walks into the estate agents office.

They chat about several things concerning the house.

The weird house (remember my blog) is just 200 meter away.
It’s the same size house, much better insulated and more modern and on for 35000 euro’s less.
We figure we have a good point with that.

The estate agent agrees with us.
And asks Mark: Well, if you would like to make an offer for this house… what would it be…

Remember: The estate agent get 7-8% of the whole price of the house.
In this price range it can vary from 15000- 25000 euro’s, just for selling a house.
But if she doesn’t sell, she won’t get anything.
So it’s also in her interest to put an offer in asap.

But we have to remember it our budget.
And in the end she is not our estate- agent, but the sellers….

Annemieke, I’ve put in an offer for the house…. We offered (Let's say:)51000 euro’s.

It’s Friday January 27^th 2012

The next house

It’s a cold and grey day when the next house pops up at the search engine.

It’s the third Saturday in January and Mark happens to be off.

Although the pictures are not great, the description looks wonderful.
Even better then we hoped it would be.
And with hope in our hearts we phone the estate agent. (again a new one)

The same afternoon we follow a black car into Gouvieux to the house.

The front of the house doesn’t have the ‘wauw’ factor. But the back has.

And we have a lot of time to view the front and the back as the estate agent can’t get the door open.

Apparently the door hasn’t been opened for several weeks. Maybe even months.
It’s an inheritance house. The father has died over a year ago and the son has just decided to lower his price from- let’s say 140 000 euro’s to 98 000 euro’s.
Suddenly this house is in our price range…

With a bit of force, and a reminder to put easier locks on the door if we would buy this house, Mark gets the door open. With a bit of help from a torch the electricity is turned on.
The house is cold. Cold but great.
The hall is big with lots of doors leading to several areas in the house.
The first door to the left is a downstairs toilet with a little sink.
Immediately to the right is the kitchen.
It looks almost the same as the kitchen we use right now.
It’s not great but it works perfectly well.

A door from the kitchen leads to the living room with a fire place and 3 French doors leading to the terrace and the garden.
The view is open and free. With just trees in the wood behind the house. Nothing but trees.
Maison Gouvieux

Back in the hall a small hall- way leads to two more bedrooms and a bathroom.
The bedrooms are great. The bathroom is old but works well.

Back in the hall way the second door on the left leads to the first floor.
A floor with 2 amazing bedrooms, 2 potential bedrooms and a bathroom with a small room attached to it.

The two potential bedrooms are big enough to be bedrooms but at the moment don’t have good windows make it good bedrooms.
It might be an option to make them…. At least we think….

Back in the hall way, the last door to the right leads to the cellar.
A cellar with a great, great room. A wine cave, a work space and a large area to put ‘stuff’.

Tim is enthusiastic.
A couple of weeks ago we challenged our kids to pray for something they would really like to get.
We hope to show them that God answers prayers. And that He is a loving and giving God.
Tim is praying for a garden where we would have the possibility to build a tree- house.
It looks like his prayers are answered.

It’s late when the front door is closed again.
We have to be quick as Joas needs to be picked up from scouts.

The estate agent would like to have an immediate answer.
But we would like to think about it….
And pray about it…
And maybe visit again….

A long wait

Winter starts. Well, it feels more like spring but people stop putting their houses on the market.

And so we wait.

December begins.
December passes.

All the houses that pop up on the search engine are old.
We’ve long seen them or we’re just not interested.

2012 starts

The ‘we know this is not for us but we are obligated to see it' house

During the months of our house searching we came in contact with several estate agents.

That means…

Sometimes we get an enthusiastic phone call with a story in French that they’ve got a house for us that we really need to see because they think it’s great for us.
No, we don’t have to look at the website. They just know it’s good for us!

And so we step, again, into our car and go to the estate agent in Chantilly.
After a talk in the office and a lovely small French coffee, we step into our car and follow the young man to Gouvieux.

Immediately we see that this house is not for us but we don’t say anything.

The house has a private garage block that you can renovate in to a guesthouse.
But it would be unfortunate for our guest not to have our sons jump in their beds early in the morning. Wouldn’t it?
And, the long Dutch guests would constantly have to bend a little to the right or the left side (depending on which way there walking) cause of the roof.

Inside the house they’re 3 bedrooms on the first floor.
The bathroom is on the ground floor together with the kitchen and living room, but no bedrooms. The 4^th bedroom can be found in the sous- sol.

All the estate agents they we’ve met so far, proclaim in all the houses that we’ve seen that: “It’s not a problem. You can change, this, that or the other….”

But, we really almost have to rebuild this house.

And so it’s another NO.

We could almost say to the estate agent: “Told you so… but you wouldn’t listen”.

And it’s not the last house we ‘just’ see because we are pushed by the estate agents.

Several houses pass by…. but… it’s never the right house.

The shall we, shall we not house

Don’t you love the view of this house?

And you know what?
It get’s even better. 2 houses Down the road live a couple from our church. And their son is Joas’ best friend.
How great would it be if…..

This house seems ideal.
It’s in the estate next to us. The boys could still go to school by bike. The estate has a swimming pool and tennis courts which you can use if your part of the estate- association.

The house inside is lovely. Although much smaller than the house we live in right now.
And we have the pleasure of seeing it even before it’s on the market, back in April, last year.

The garden is the same size we have right now but is situated on the main road from Gouvieux to Chantilly. The noise from the cars is all day long.

But back in April the price for the house is high. Almost at the top end of our budget.
And the house doesn’t have the guest rooms we’d so like to have.

But it’s next to our friends.

Even though the price has come down almost 100 000. 00 euro’s since, every time we stand in front of the house and hear the noise, we step back into our car and say: “No, this house is not for us!”

The weird house

Plop!

An add pops up on the immobilier site.
A house with a GREAT garden in Gouvieux.

Again the pictures are not everything and the address is unknown.

And so the phonecall to the estate agent is made again.

Later that week we meet in front of the house. The house is on Rue or Route de Lamorlaye.
Although it’s a fairly busy road the owners of the house say it never bothers them.

The house is: weird!

It’s been built in 3 different stages in over the last 70 years. Starting in the year 1942.

The house is entered via a small, glass conservatory. After that you step immediately into the old living room space. With a fireplace.

This is the centre room in the house. All the other rooms are entered via this room.
On the left 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. Straight across a very small French kitchen. And to the right the new living room built in 1952.

The new living room has, all the way to the right side of the house in the right corner, the stairs to the first floor.

The first floor is even weirder.

The mezzanine is big with windows. The ‘room’ after that has NO windows and leads to a VERY BIG room all the way to the left side of the house. And there’s a bathroom with an electric toilet.
Basically the upstairs has just one bedroom.

The sous sol (basement) is big but the ceilings are low. Mark has to bend a little.
And the sous sol can only be reached through the outside of the house. And the only place where the washing machine can go is in the sous sol.
I just can’t see myself walking outside with a basket of laundry to open the sous sol with the key to reach my washing machine. And then…. I know so many washes will be done and after that forgotten because I just don’t pass the washing machine and see that it’s ready.

We think about it.

We even go back for a second viewing on Thanks Giving Day.
But in the end we feel the house just wouldn’t work for us.

And so we leave it again…..

Special moments

Friday, 18 December 2009 10:28

I'm surrounded by baskets of laundry. Piles of it. And Tim is adding and adding.

I so love potty training during the night...

Although there's lots of other stuff to do I really want to write this blog.

Over the months there have been so many special moments, so many special people, so many touches of my heart.

That special moment- that one tear.

It was the last weekend of May 2009. Hannah was still in my tummy. Although not alive anymore she was still there. It was pentecost and one of our best friends came over to celebrate with us.

Less did he know. An hour before he arrived we phoned him that everything went wrong.

Instead of turning he's car and driving home, he still decided to come. It would have been easier to just leave us in our pain. To not be a part of it.

But instead he stepped right in. He made me laugh with his jokes. It was so what I needed.

And then that special moment came. We were talking about life, about Hannah and suddenly a tear dropped. I could see the pain in his eyes. I could see his hurt.

That tear meant so much. I can't remember seeing him cry before this moment.

I wish I could have kept it in Hannah's box. Instead it ended up in my special moment box.

This is the first I wanted to tell you.

That special moment- a plastic cup with water

The last sunday in August we visited our home church in the Netherland. I so could not cope!

“ God, You are a God of life”

“We praise you for your goodness!”

“In your presence everything is fine”

“You will wipe away our tears!”

I was fighting against my tears. My head must have turned from light to bright red.

Of course I lost my fight and the tears fell.

A very good friend of us stepped out of his row. He looked at me and walked away.

One minute later he returned with a plastic cup of water.

Although he didn't say anything; he saw my pain. And he helped.

That special moment- that special card

Month 5 after Hannah died. I still cry most days. I still can't believe she's really gone.

Once in a while the postman brings a 'thinking about you' card.

Once in a while the email brings us a 'thinking about you' letter.

This day the postman brought this very special card with a poem right from my heart.

It said: (sorry it's a translations from Dutch so it won't be perfect:))

Your name

Is written as a remembrance

in the deepest of our soul

Your existing

although so short

changed our life

Nothing went

as it was expected

Nothing stayed the same

Everything has to be thought over

until it's purpose has again been found.

How could the sender know it felt like this?

I could have never put it in these words but it feels like this.

I read the poem everyday. Everyday i'm thinking things over. Some hard, some usual.

But everything needs to finds it's purpose again.

It's strange, but it's true.

That moment- that special card- made a deep impact in my live.

It made me realise that there more people with the same pain. And if we want to… we can help each other.

That special moment- a phonecall

5,5 Months after Hannah died.

One evening the phone rings. On the other side is a couple we have know most of our lives. They’re not good friends. They’re not even acquaintances. We just know each other.

Over the last week we did have email contact. She was the one who wrote the card with the poem above. She was the one who told us they lost a daughter too. She was the one who remembered, after 21 years, the lonely months after ‘life turns back to normal’.

“We were praying and we were wondering if we could come over tomorrow.

We’re only a 4 hour drive away.” (Because the Netherlands is such a small country people are not used to driving for hours. And most people would not do that.)

We were stunned.

The next day they arrived and we spend precious hours together. We shared our stories. We prayed.

It was so special!

All of these moments, and many more, made a deep impact in my life.

Tears of hurt, a helping friend, a special card, a 6 months poem, a flower, a present,

all those are the treasures of the last months.

The glimpse of light in the darkness. The strings to hold on to.

For everyone being part of this: Thank you!

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