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This is the story of our daughter Hannah Deborah.
Ω 29-05-2009 α 01-06-2009

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Song for Hannah written and sung by our friend Hugo Knoester


Hannah, the girl to whom we looked forward in eager expectation and whom we had to let go again after a pregnancy of 28 weeks.

The child which we will carry in our hearts for ever.

Invisible, but yet five of us, eternally together.

It is December 17, 2008, when we are told that we will be moving from England to France within three months. Only five minutes later we find out that we will also have a third child. Our lives come to a temporary standstill….

Hannah_portrait_klein

Like the previous ones, this pregnancy is not without its problems. Annemieke is unwell, tired and she throws up regularly. With the approaching move it is hard to keep going physically. The 12 week scan is fine. Annemieke has been with child 3 less days than we had thought. But that is always a possibility….

Already from 14 weeks Annemieke can feel the baby. It is a busy little girl.

When we move to Chantilly, France, at the end of March, we assume that times will get easier.

So on April 7 we go to the 20 weeks scan without any reservations. This one, however, is in French. We find out that we will have a daughter and that something is not entirely as it should be.

The baby is too small for the period of the pregnancy. So they again move the date of birth backwards. Annemieke has to rest in bed.

The house is run with the help of family and friends.

Two weeks later the baby appears to have grown a bit, but by far not as much as it should have done. Hannah is at the bottom of the graph.

All kinds of investigations take place such as an amniocentesis. After an anxious week it appears that Hannah is in perfect health. The problem is that Annemieke’s placenta is not functioning properly. As a result, Hannah cannot grow well.

Every week blood tests and other tests take place. Hannah seems to be doing fine in the meantime. On some nights Annemieke’s tummy is in motion about thanks to her movements.

On May 15, 2009, Annemieke’s blood pressure is so high that she has to stay in the hospital at Senlis. Much effort is made to stabilise the blood pressure. At also turns out that there are proteins in Annemieke’s urine.

Because Hannah is now in the phase where she needs to put on weight, the placenta has to supply more food through the blood. This is not going well. Hannah is asking for more and as a result Annemieke’s heart starts pumping faster and faster, attempting to supply Hannah’s needs. Hence the blood pressure goes up and up. The proteins in the urine show that Annemieke’s kidneys are not working too well.

The hospital staff in Senlis are very concerned. They would not be able to care for Hannah if she were born here as she would be too small.

So the gynaecologist is very happy when a bed becomes available for Annemieke in the academic hospital at Pontoise. Hannah is then 26.5 weeks old.

The doctors in Pontoise manage to control Annemieke’s blood pressure. Hannah gets a treatment to ripen her lungs so that she can be born. But Annemieke notices that Hannah’s behaviour changes. The movements get less and less. Yet when the nurses listen, her heart is beating. Annemieke is worried nonetheless.

The limitations of conversation in French make it difficult to express herself clearly to the doctors.

Annemieke also feels as if there is a band around her belly. It remains unclear if this is related to the HELPP syndrome.

Finally, on the evening of May 28, a scan of Annemieke is done by a doctor who speaks English. Now at last she can express how worried she is. The doctor is also worried when she sees the pictures of Hannah and the results of the tests. She promises that she will fight for Hannah during the doctors’ get-together the next morning.Hannah_details_klein
This evening Annemieke tells several carers on duty that she is really concerned. She feels that her body is no longer a safe place for her daughter.
To comfort her, the midwife performs another CTG of Hannah. It is about 10.30 in the evening. We think her heart beat is low but the midwife says it is okay.

The next morning the doctors indeed decide to do a caesarean. It will take place between 12 and 2 o’clock.
Annemieke is fully ready for the theatre by 12.30. Catheter, special clothing and all. Then they do a quick check on the baby. Regrettably, the heart cannot be heard any more.
Our daughter has died, 28 weeks old, on May 29, 2009.
The caesarean is cancelled immediately.
In the end Annemieke is induced on Monday June 1, 2009, and at 22.52 Hannah Deborah is born. Her length: 33 cm. Weight: 670 grams.
In the evaluation afterwards the doctors explain that they were entirely surprised by Hannah’s passing away. They had never expected it. On the other hand they do admit that Annemieke had been very clear. Particularly because of her worries, and some other facts, they had decided to do the caesarean. Unfortunately it was already too late.
They did admit that Annemieke’s condition had been far worse than she had been aware herself.
The feeling of a band around her body was indeed the failing of her liver.
In the next stage the word would have been “save the mother”.
After much bureaucracy in France we were finally allowed to take Hannah with us to the Netherlands. There she was buried on June 11, 2009, in the midst of close family and friends.